By the end of the week I'm normally treading a thin rope as far as my energy reserves go. Interestingly though, I got home last night and out of the blue decided that my living space needed revamping. Drained as I was I somehow found the energy to drag furniture around and do some cleaning –the things one can do when they’re inspired. Now it’s not that there was anything particularly wrong with the space as it was, I just felt like a change just to elevate my mood. I labored tirelessly and was quite pleased with the results. In the end I had a sparkling pad that looked refreshingly different. And just like that I felt better my long week forgotten. I then lit some scented candles turned on the music of our lives and got to boogieing in front of the mirror -yeah I still do that- and I'm afraid I might never outgrow that. It’s a great stress buster and a fun way to take the edge off after my long days. And watching oneself goofing around in front of the mirror is bound to crack a smile out of even the hardest of souls. And if you can learn to loosen up and laugh at yourself every so often (it's never that serious you know) then you've unearthed one of life's treasures.
I then called the family and I think I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard this question from my kid bro “when are you coming home??” and it always grips my heart because I can no longer do those random show-ups for dinner with his favourite pizza in hand. You know absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Before moving away I couldn’t stand the chaos that was our house most times, but being miles away as I am now, I’d give anything to experience that if only for a minute. Chasing kid bro around the house cleaning up after him -love him to bits, his coming into this world really brought all of us closer together as a family he was God sent- my dad and his elaborate but informative lectures on every single thing -he is an academician at heart an intelligent and wise man whose story about his rise to the top inspires us all and everyone that meets him, my mum reproaching me for one thing or other –I’ve always been quite a piece of work and no one knows this best than my mum and in spite of it all she still loves me unconditionally. I am amazed by this woman’s strength and her faith; the things she has been through are a testament that indeed there is a God and we might be weak but He is strong enough to take us through whatever we might be dealing with, all that and her sense of humour just makes me swell with pride for her. She doesn’t stop either, recently signing up for her PHD, all I could say is you go girl! I miss my family, and when small bro ardently responded “we miss you too” on the phone I was on the brink of tears. Dysfunctional or not family is simply irreplaceable, something to cherish.
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck
I remember years ago when my younger brother and I were at each other’s necks constantly, sibling rivalry they call it. I should pause here and say I'm glad we outgrew that, I love that young man so much am so proud of what he has achieved, of the fine man he’s grown into, of his ability to rise against the odds and not lose his identity in the crowd –something most of us still struggle with. I admire his passion for the things he believes in as his loyalty to those he loves. Ok I’ll stop now, am getting all emotional. So there was this one time I lashed out at him for messing with my stuff –for like the zillionth time- it seemed he took pleasure in ticking me off. I admit I was really harsh but he asked for it. Smart little brat then run off and told on me to dad, of course twisting the story to make me look bad, and man did I get a whooping -when you’re the first born everything is mostly your fault because you should always know better- so not fair. I was deeply hurt; I mean how dare he set me up against dad? I gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the evening. Next day when I got home from school I found an apology letter from him on my bed, I read it and just couldn’t help welling up. He was 9 then so diction and grammar were inconsequential, it might not have been the best worded letter but that didn’t even matter, I was so touched by the gesture that all I could do was hug him and tell him it’s alright. It said he couldn’t live with the guilt of knowing he’d intentionally ratted on me and that he really wanted us to be friends again. I mellowed. Over time we did create a bond and managed to put all that rivalry behind us. He has remained a solid anchor in my life over the years.
How often do we swallow our pride and admit to having wronged those we love and sought forgiveness. Or do we, spurred by our egos, let meaningful relationships go down the drain. Lord knows some of us need to have a sit down with our egos. Now pick up that phone, do what you’ve got do, before things spiral out of control.
Life as we know it is full of upheaval, too much going on and sometimes the pressure to keep the balance is immense. We all need a loving hand, a support system that one should choose wisely. I always say if something or someone is adding no value to your life, out with it. It’s just extra baggage you don’t need. In the journey that is life, we need to travel as light as we possibly can. One of my closest and dearest and I used to habitually get together every Wednesday to rant and rave, celebrate or comfort each other –whatever applied- without fail. And I can’t even begin to explain the value of this and the countless hurdles it got us through, all the while laying a foundation for a beautiful friendship. Sad fact is that I don’t have my girl on close call anymore but in my heart she remains engraved, make friends we may, but not everyone has your best interests at heart. An acquaintance warned me once, be careful who you share your dreams and aspirations with cause some folk just can’t handle you being blessed. You don’t need a crowd to cheer you on just the support, love and wise counsel of the few that are genuinely concerned about your well being. And never downplay the importance of these relationships; they must be fueled, for no man is an island.
I am one person that gets really worked up when things are not going my way or as I’d wish. But we can never be in total control of circumstances and when things decide to take a down turn boy do they roll. Everything that could possibly go wrong does. When I find myself in such a situation, where everything seems to be slipping from my grip, I just look for something to distract me. I could decide that I need to get in better shape and throw myself wholeheartedly into a work out routine, or just change my look, anything to get my mind off the craziness at hand. I remember the fright of starting out on my own in a foreign country, I was reeled; and I decided the timing was perfect to sign up for the gym. The whole point was to take my mind off my fears and it helped a great deal. I felt great and in better shape to take on the demands of my new job and environment. And before I knew it, excess weight was gone and so was the anxiety I initially felt. I had slowly but surely begun to get a grip on things. What was even tougher though was breaking the ice with the people. Now normally that is never a problem at a social setting but things are different at the workplace, more so when factors to consider include cross cultural differences. Impressions, first or otherwise, are of extreme importance and it takes time and patience and a lot of wit to learn the ropes and build a good reputation and formidable liaisons, which is the ultimate objective.
One thing I decided against is mounting pressure on myself trying to piece everything together within unrealistic time frames. Getting to know people takes time, so give yourself lots of it. And projects that seem monstrous are not really that big of a deal when you break them down and work your way through the muck a step at a time. Patience with all things and chiefly with self is key.
And for petes sake stop playing superhuman. We’re wired to only last so long, so going till you drop is the worst approach to anything. You need to take a break, to replenish, that way when you get back to a project, you’ll have a clearer fresher perspective on things. So when your mind feels like it’s on overdrive, you could let it drive you nuts or do what I do; throw on your trainers, line up some feel good music for your ear phones and hit the track. Or dance in front of a mirror.
That Erma Bombeck quote is cool
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